Elibe CROSS Tellius
by SymphonyofBlood
Summary: Chapter 6 FINALLY up! Ike is challenged to MORTAL KOMBAT not the game, but a battle to the death by Chuck Norris and and an millionaire OC Midget! Plus, the romance finally starts! Watch out for the box, Peg. Sisters!
1. Let the Fun Begin

**Elibe CROSS Tellius**

WARNING! We seriously recommend leaving your brain in a safe place while reading this fic. Reading this fic with a brain on your head might damage it. If you require a new brain, please call the nearest hospital. Thank you for choosing us.

A/N: I'm back! Some of you might remember me from the fic "Kidou Senshi Gundam Angel" (Which I started all over from scratch about four months ago.) I will update it soon… I just had a writer's block (Random Person: You are a writer?) I hope this fic makes you laugh. It's going to be really CRAZY, so I hope you get a laugh or two at least. Also, I haven't finished FE9 yet, so I'm just going to assume Ashnard and the Black Knight are dead…

Anyways! On with the fic!

Disclaimer: Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. This is a fan work; no profit is being made of it. Nothing here belongs to me. Everything belongs to their respective owners. Don't sue me. I'm broke.

Chapter 1 – Let the Fun Begin!

Ah, another wonderful day in Tellius… Or so we thought…

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And so, Ike wakes up from that horrible dream in which he was being chased by the epitome of Evil: Martha Stewart. Not to mention that she was wielding the most powerful killing substance in existence: her cooking.

"Phew, it was only a dream… I thought I was going to die thanks to…"

"Thanks to what?"

"AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OHMYASHERASHEHASCOMETO…oh, hi Lethe!" said Ike regaining his composture.

"What was that scream all about?"

"Well, why are you at my window?"

"King Caineghis sent me to tell you to go downstairs. They say the have 'The Thing' ready, don't ask me what".

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Wait for me downstairs."

" 'Kay, see you, beorc.", with that, she jumped out of the window.

It has been one year since the Crimea Liberation Army (dubbed the CLA), defeated Ashnard. The merry group reunited at Gallia to commemorate the victory.

Okay, Ike's ready. He walks down the stairs, only to find Tibarn talking to Reyson:

"I have just taught your sister a modern language! Now she can communicate with everybody!" said Tibarn, as excited as a 5-year-old.

"Really? Thanks! You taught her English, right?"

"Erm…Sort of…" responded the hawk king, getting instantly nervous.

"What do you mean by sort o…."

"H3ll0, br0th3r! 1 c4n t4lk n0w! J00 sh0uld ph33r m1 l337 5k1llz!" Leanne, well… l33t3d.

"My god Tibarn! What have you done! I'm going to forget I'm a heron and kick your scrawny little a…"

"Oh Ike! You're here! Quick, go outside! The three laguz kings have something important to show you guys!" Woah, Tibarn was a smooth operator.

So the three kings and the whole group of Greil mercenaries PLUS their close friends were outside. Tibarn cleared his throat.

"Ahem! Well , I want to tell to all of you to..." He ripped his shirt and nabbed Rolf's bow. "GET TO DA CHOPPAH!11one1!" Everybody looked at him and remained silent.

"One: Get to da Choppah is a Schwarzenegger line, not a Rambo line. Two: What the hell is a chopper?" Oscar responded.

"No matter, just watch. Janaff! Music!" Tibarn ordered.

"Aye, aye, King Ramb… King Tibarn! _Damn, why do they have to look so much alike!_" Janaff said and thought.

TANANANANANANA TANNAANAANANAANANNA NANANA NA NA NANA NA NA NANANA NANA NA NA NA NA

Janaff: Gan Gan Gan Gan!

Wakai inochi ga makka ni oete

GETTA SUPAAKU sora takaku

Mitaka gattai GETTA ROBO da

Gettsu Gettsu GETTA Gettsu

Mitsu no kokoro ga hitotsu ni nareba

Hitotsu no seii ha hyakuban PAWAA

Aku o yurusuna GETTA PANCHI

Getto Getto GETTA GETTA ROBO!

(A/N: Copy pasted out of AnimeLyrics. Hope you guys don't mind!)

While he sang, Caineghis, Tibarn, and Naesala formed the Almighty, Omnipotent GETTER ROBO! But because of having a mecha at this medieval time, they accidentally broke the space time continuum, creating a rift in time and dimensions! Our heroes are transported to another world, sucked by a Big-O vortex! BIG-O! BIG-O BIG-O BIG-O! Ahem! Sorry…

* * *

Sain sighed. "Dude, I'm bored… No girls to woo, no nothing! In fact, all of Eliwood's Elite was stationed at Castle Caelin, where they celebrated the defeat of Nergal. Then Getter appeared overhead! And the FE7 guys are also sucked into the vortex! And then I ate a Hot Dog!

* * *

Ike groggily woke up. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what happen…" Then Rolf responded "Someone set us up the bomb!" He was then smacked in the head by Boyd. "Shaddup, Peewee!" "Stop calling me that! Just because I get closer to a girl in a day than what you have done in your lifetime doesn't give you the right to call me Peewee!" Then Boyd shut up.

Someone put his hand on Ike's chest. "Welcome… to the real world." "Eh… Who're you?" "My name is the Tactician, Symphony the Tactician." "Ooohhhkay…."

Then Symphony turned around and faced a girl with dark green hair tied back in a ponytail and said: "See, Lyn, when I told you I was from another world, I wasn't high on vulneraries!" "Maybe I'm the one high on vulneraries now" the girl responded.

They are in what we call a city. Building, skyscrapers, you name it. Lyn turned around to see that Florina was on top of Sain. "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" He woke up to the call of his name. "YOU ARE SO DEAD!" She grasped the hilt of her Sol Katti, but was shot by Symphony on the back with a M9 sedative pistol. M9, don't leave Elibe without it.

"You guys wait here. I'm going for something, be right back." Symphony left running very quickly.

So Ike and Sain took the job of waking everyone up and explaining the situation. Blame Kar…Getter Robo. I don't want to get sued. Just then, what looked like a gigantic battleship floated above them, and a tractor beam sucked them in. They were inside that thing, and Symphony was there too.

"Gentlemen, welcome to the SDF-1 Macross."

And so, the adventures of the Greil Mercenaries and Eliwood's Elite in the modern world begin. They will live though many adventures, from playing PSP, to resisting the length of the Dunkin' Donuts lines.

This is ElibeXTellius, or Elibe CROSS Tellius. May the force be with them.

Its going to get better, I swear!

NEXT CHAPTER

Ike and Sain become friends! Soren discovers that marvelous thing we call PSP! A Counter-Strike deathmatch between Tellius (CTs) and Elibe (Ts)! Lethe gets chased by catgirl fanboys! Tibarn gets chosen as John Rambo for Rambo IV when Sylvester Stallone gets injured! Duke Nukem Forever gets released! All this, and many more in the next chapter of Elibe CROSS Tellius! Well, except for the latter, nobody knows if that's actually going to happen someday! And maybe I will stop using so many exclamation marks!

R&R! Oh Noes! I can't stop using the exclamation marks!


	2. Moving In

**When we last left off...**

The omnipotent power of Getter Robo, who for some reason was at the hands of the three Laguz Kings, transports the Greil Mercenaries to another dimension: the "real" world, alongside the Eliwood's Elite. EE's tactician, Symphony, who is originally from this world, gets everybody onboard the SDF-1 Macross. This is when the wheels of fate start turning to give motion to the gears of justice… ARGGGHHH! DAMN YOU, CRIMSON CHIN!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

**Elibe X Tellius **

**Called "Elibe CROSS Tellius"**

**Chapter 2- Moving In**

Damn, it really, REALLY smelled like metal inside the SDF-1's control room. And it was getting on Lethe's nerves. So she decided not to listen to all of Symphony's speech on what's going on. From what she heard, Getter's "warpdimensionaltransmagical engine" got broke after getting filled with BBQ sauce. Tibarn couldn't resist the magical power of Tony Roma's. So she went outside. Well, saying that she was amazed was an understatement. Gigantic buildings everywhere; long, neverending roads; trees and plants abound. And then, there were a lot of beorcs. She then felt a hand over her head.

"Symphony told me it's pretty dangerous for you to go outside with your ears up for everyone to see, so he gave me this hat." Ike. She looked upwards to see she was wearing a bucket hat. Oh well, whatever pleases them most. Well, Ike most. He is probably the only beorc she can stand. Why is that, is a mystery to the modern world. Not even Stephen Hawking can know why. Heck, not even she knew.

Then they were approached by a guy dressed in green. You see, the whole armies changed to more modern clothes to simply pass without calling much attention, so nobody could see her tail or her ears. But what's the big deal? Do they think that they are going to persecute her and the other laguz? So what, Ike could kick the whole mob's ass, with the power of Aether and Ragnell, his sword chasing and slashing the enemy, and his eyes shining like…

"_AW CRAP! GET THAT OUTTA YOUR MIND! HE'S A BEORC!" _Lethe mentally slapped herself. Hard actually, so hard she recoiled back. Damn you, A Supports. She wasn't paying much attention to the guy in green.

"…beautiful eyes like that can only be compared to the most beautiful of jewels! Oh beauteous one! Please allow me to be in your company!" Lethe's eye twitched. Now she realized it. She was being wooed by a beorc, no less. And his pickup lines sucked, too. She proceeded to crack her knuckles… "Sain, dude, if you want to live, you better start running" Ike warned the newly identified Emerald Lance of Caelin (though I know you knew). And so, a pursuit began…

To Lethe's disgrace, Sain entered an anime shop. Worse of all, her hat fell when she entered the shop…

"Ooohh… Those are pretty real." Fat Anime Guy Nº 317 said, and pulled on her ears. An exclamation mark appeared over his head. "!" The FAG Nº 317 !ed. "OMGLOLWTFLMAOBBQ! These are real!" The whole shop !ed. A bar appeared on the right hand corner of the screen. ALERT said the bar. Yup, just like in MGS. The whole male population of the shop began to approach the laguz slowly, doing open-close movements with there hands. It looked as if they were to grope "that". "Back off!" Lethe punched the FAG Nº317 in the belly. Her fist rebounded, and hit her in HER stomach. "Owwww…That's it! I'm going to transform!"

"NO, WAIT!" Symphony busted into the anime shop through the shop's window, instead than entering by the door. He hit himself face flat with the floor and started bleeding badly. He regained his health really fast, and stood up in an instant "…if you transform, you won't only have the Catgirl Fan Population on your trail, but the Furry one too! Ooooooooooohhhhh, Cloud Strife FFVII AC Play Art! I've been looking for it!"

"Then what do you suggest then, genius?"

CRASH! The other window broke when Ike busted through it riding a Suzuki G-Strider Prototype Motorcycle. "Hop on!" Lethe did as she was told, and the escaped busting through yet ANOTHER window.

"How much for this FFVII AC Play Art?" Symphony asked the clerk.

* * *

Soren was bored. BORED. He could go and molest some of the laguz, but he didn't want to get his ass kicked. He could go and try to get a girlfriend, but he is broke. You need money for that, y' know? So he decided to go to Symphony's room and talk tactician stuff.

"Symphony, are you here?"

* * *

"FOOOOOOOOOM! Try to get me Sephiroth! I have the power of the Fen…Fenf…Fer… of my Motorcycle!" Symphony was having a good time in the park with his new Cloud Strife Play Art, dressed in a tux with a tie. It looked as if one of the Turks was playing with a small Cloud Strife …

* * *

"Hmmm…? Was this?" Soren spotted a sleek, black device on top of Symphony's bed. He turned it on, and was never the same since…Playing Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories can cause some psychological damage. Especially when you are an alien to society.

* * *

COUNTER-TERRORISTS WIN! A disembodied voice boomed through the speakers of his new PC. Reyson loved having a room for himself. And a PC. Good thing Symphony has friends in high places. And his Dad is the Captain of the Macross. But he is NOT Capt. Gloval. I swear on the name of Nachos.

So far, he was the second highest score in the CT team. Only Rolf bested him. Fucking AWPs. But by far, the CTs were winning for one round. He was not to be killed. BANG! Killed by PegKnightFiora. Of a headshot. Oh, the humanity.

* * *

Lyn was currently 0wning the CTs with the power of the CV-47. Nino set them up the bomb. Wil and Rebecca were AWPing. Fucking AWPs. K' the T's won.

* * *

"So Sylvester got injured. We need a replacement!" Tibarn was passing by. "Yo, man!" Tibarn stopped and looked around. "I'm going to make you famous! And you will win big bucks!. Tibarn couldn't help but smile… He could finally eat some Tacos. Oh, and get a ride. That way, he would get a lot of babes…

TBC!

Next Chapter: Jaffar Becomes a Cop!

R&R!


	3. COPS

FINALLY! AN UPDATE! Oh, and FireemblemPRO, don't bash Elincia, k? I know you're reading this, and you know what it is about. She is weak as an unit, but an OK chara. Guess I am one of those type of person that can't hate anybody….

**Elibe X Tellius**

**(Called Elibe CROSS Tellius)**

**Chapter 3 – COPS**

"Jafffaaaaarr…Can we please get an XBOX 360?" Nino asked for the 36783413211th time. Or was it the 36783413212th time? Ask Getter. Or Tibarn. Or Kent. Or my Cheeseburger.

"…For an XBOX 360, we need MONEY. For MONEY, we need a JOB. For a Job, we need to have gone to COLLEGE. For making an emphasis on WORDS, we need CAPS LOCK." Jaffar responded as a matter of fact. "In fact, we would need CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, thing we are lacking."

"Ask the author for a job, then!"

"…Author?"

The small radio in the rustic room burst to life for no apparent, and a feminine voice was heard from it:

"Do you need a job, but are too lazy for college?" Jaffar nodded. "Do you have a crave for authority?" Jaffar nodded again.

"Then we have the perfect job for you! Become one of Macross City's finest! All you need is a nonrefundable deposit for your uniform and bullets and two weeks training! Become the law; carry a big black stick for enforcing it! Drive aimlessly for hours and eat donuts!"

Jaffar: Mmmm…Donuts…Cinnamon …Bavarian Cream…hehehehe!

"Think about it, you'll have a name badge! It's like fast food, but you get to beat people!

'Random Dude: Kickass, I get to beat people senseless!'

Beat on members of your community because they piss you off, OR because you're drunk! Fight crime the American way: with a hail of bullets, and violence at the drop of the hat! PLUS, women will love you!

'Random Dude #310: Women pay attention to me now that I threaten them with tickets!'

Thaaaaat's right: women love a man in uniform, especially when threatening them with tickes or incarceration! Become one of Macross City's finest. Enroll today!"

Jaffar's first smile AND goofy grin his life came at that moment, thanks to fantasizing with threatening women with tickets. He would try that someday soon on Nino. He had to become a cop! For some odd reason, he jumped out of the window, landing two stories below. Leon Kennedy got nothing on him.

"Hey, Nino…" a disembodied voice was heard.

"!" Nino !ed. Okay, that is getting old. "Oh, hi author!"

"Keep my existence between you and me, OK?"

"Okey dokey, then!" Nino responded.

At that moment, Soren came in through the door, PSP with GTA: LCS in hand. "Wasn't that commercial on GTA?" he asked.

The author, without realizing, responded. "Yes it is Soren, yes it is…"

"HUH? WHAT WAS THAT!" Soren asked…LOUDLY.

"Oh, son of a…"

* * *

A horrible, disfigured, gigantic, and decayed man/creature with a stitched eye, black trenchcoat, and rocket launcher walked through the city. "S.T.A.R.S…" the abomination began. After some roaming, the creature reached its destination. "S.T.A.R…B.U.C.K.S!" it said when he located his favorite coffee shop. As soon as he entered, people began running around and evacuating the building. A Guy bumped into Eliwood, sitting on a table with Lyn. Almost all of the redhead's cappuccino spilled.

"AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! MY CROTCH!" Eliwood screamed.

"What are you yelling about, anyway? You have nothing there, anyway." Lyn remarked.

"Oh…right." And the two continued drinking their coffees.

Our deformed friend approached the cash register. Strangely, the cashier was still there. The cashier was our good ol' friend, Oscar.

"S.T.A.R.S…" the huge behemoth began…AGAIN.

"You want the Star's Special? Lowen! Give me a Star's Special!"

"Aye, aye, sir!" Lowen responded. He touched the coffee machine until he located the desired coffee. Good thing this machine was in Braille.

"Here you go." Lowen began walking around, trying to find the other kinda-blind man. Oscar also began walking around, flailing his arms to find Lowen. The creature sweatdropped. Finally, they found each other. Oscar took the coffee out of "Here ya go. It'll be 4.95, please." The creature took out a 5 dollar bill and gave it to the squinting man. Then, the creature happily got out of the shop. Meanwhile, Oscar was about to put the money in the cash register, but as being as blind as he is, he ended up in putting the money into Lowen's mouth.

"Yum! Tashtesh like shiken!" Lowen said.

* * *

"Reyson haven't come out of his room since we got here!" Tanith complained. "So what? That's not THAT bad. At least Sain stopped flirting so much." Fiora responded. "I swear, if he puts a hand on my little sister…"

"That's because he is now dedicated to pr0n! That's normal! But playing Counter-Strike from dusk 'till dawn isn't!" the general cried.

FLASHBACK

Tanith: Reyson, I brought you some Cinnabon! holds out Cinnabon

Reyson: NAB

ANOTHER FLASHBACK

Tanith: Mmm, Reyson? Care to put some suntan on my back?

Reyson: No. Fuck off, bitch, I got a Sain to kill…

END FLASHBACKS

"I am his only female support! He must love meh!" Tanith exclaimed as a little girl would. Real life can make you strange.

"Then beat him in his own game." Ike approached her and busted into the conversation.

"Yes, I agree. If you want a chance with prince Reyson, beorc, beat him in his own game." Lethe had gotten into the conversation, too. "I don't get it! What's so special about Counter-Strike, anyway? Don't you think, Ike? Ike?"

"Ike left. He said he had to play Counter. Fiora and Tanith went to Target to buy a copy."

Lethe turned, to see Sain staring at her. "Relax… I'm not going to flirt with you. The internet has opened my eyes…"

"With pr0n?"

"No! With the romance section of Sain responded.

Just then, Jaffar came in through the door in an uniform. Not any uniform. A S.T.A.R.S uniform! "… What do you guys think?" he asked.

"Whoa, dude, you look awesome!" Sain told him.

Just when Jaffar came into the house, the Starbucks' creature appeared behind him. "S.T.A.R.S…" he started again. That is getting REALLY annoying.

"Whoa shit!" Jaffar quickly spun around, facing the gigantic creature and taking his handgun from his holster. "FREEZE! I KNOW HOW TO USE THIS!...actually, I don't…"

Just then Canas came running towards the scene. " I thought I heard… NEMMY!" He ran towards the Nemmy creature and hugged him. The creature hugged him back, look of glee on his face. Canas raised his right leg. The scene looked REALLY gay.

"Whoa, that looks REALLY gay!" Sain exclaimed. See, told ya!

"Guys, this is Nemesis. He was a man infected with the NE-T Virus and sent to kill S.T.A.R.S members of Raccoon City. I found him and gave him a psychological session in my clinic. We have been best buddies since then!" Canas said.

"…You have a clinic?" Sain asked.

An idea sprung to Lethe's head. She needed to get rid of her…attraction…to Ike. Maybe a psychologist would help. "Say…Canas right? You are a psychologist, you said?"

"I even have my masters!"

"Would you care to give me a session? I got something that has been bothering me.

"Sure! Let me just fix an appointment tomorrow…"

**To Be Continued…**

**Read & Review!**


	4. Of Metal Gear, Rambo, and Chicken

An Update! W00T! I think I'm going to update on Fridays from now won, but I'll try to get more updates than once a week!

**Elibe X Tellius  
(Called Elibe CROSS Tellius)**

**Chapter 4 – Of Metal Gear, Rambo, and Chicken**

Huff! What a day… Tibarn sluggishly walked towards Symphony's house, yes, WALKED, 'cause his new inseparable best friend and acting partner, the M249 SAW, was too heavy to fly with it. If you don't know what is this, use Wikipedia.

Tibarn opened the front door with his keys. KIDDING! He blew it up. With an HE Grenade. Actually, with a Phosphorus Grenade. Poor lil' Wil was standing beside the door, so his hair caught fire. And he ran. But knocked himself out cold with the wall.

"Do you think we should put that fire off?" Asked Jaffar while he was eating donuts. He is in S.T.A.R.S now, what would you expect? Aside from kicking zombie ass…

"Let's…yawn put it out with this" Haar, beside him on the couch, gave him a barrel of gasoline without knowing. And Jaffar was too lazy to read.

KA-BOOM!

"Oh shit! We blew up Wil! Rebecca will kill us!" Jaffar was afraid… very AFRAID.

"Screw that! We blew up the wall! Now I have to pay for it! NOOOOOO!" Haar yelled dramatically.

* * *

"Uhhhh…. What happened to me? Wil woke up groggily. He was in a white space. No, I'm not ripping of The Transdementional Adventures of Mark. But I am a TTAM fanboy. 

"You are dead, my dear friend." A disembodied voice said. Yep, you guessed right, the author.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaa! NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO …

(pant pant breathe)

…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Crap! Why does everybody love to do that?" The author was annoyed.

"Dunno. It's a natural instinct or something."

"Well Wil, I want you to know I am the AUTHOR! I decide the situations in which you find yourselves, but not your feelings, emotions, reactions, ect. Sorta like a game master in those D&D games. Well, I like you and will revive you, with a CONDITION."

"What is it?" Wil asked.

"You are to go to Japan and buy me a one week-Japanese learning tutorial, a PS2, and Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (tm)."

"Kay, give me the money, I'm broke."

"I HAVE NO MONEY! I AM THE AUTHOR! I DECIDE WHAT YOU DO!"

"But I'm broke!"

"Crap." the author retorted.

"Besides, why get a PS2 if the PS3 is coming out soon enough?" Wil asked.

"Well, yeah, I'm getting the PS3 and abandoning Nintendo completely. Well, I PLAN to also buy a Revolution, but I am not the one that decides that. Besides, I stopped being a Nintendo fanboy when I got my PSP, but I also want a DS. But between you and me, the PSP 0wnz the DS anyday. Really. Some people say the PSP doesn't have good games. Wrong. Metal Gear AC!D, GTA: Liberty City Stories, Armored Core Formula Front, and the soon to be released Metal Gear AC!D 2 and Devil May Cry for PSP and the new Metal Gear Solid-style Metal Gear and Metal Gear BD…"

"My head hurts from that rant and from hearing Metal Gear so many times… Which is pretty weird since I'm dead."

"Well, I got ANOTHER mission for you! Get yourself a PSP, its good for your soul."

And with that, Wil respawned in his room in Symphony's gigantic place.

* * *

After the end of World War III, the world was split into two – Elibe and Magvel. This marked the beginning of an era known as the Hot War. 

(A/N: Reference to Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, and Codename: Sain. If you haven't played any Metal Gear yet, then you are a true bastard. Metal Gear and Fire Emblem 0wnz. So rent Twin Snakes for the Cube for a week or something. Oh, and I don't have a PS2 sniff)

* * *

After a successful HALO jump, Sain was in enemy territory, the Tselinoyarsk. This was Magvel territory. It belonged to that Seth guy, mainly because I haven't played FE8 that much and just know like 4 or 5 characters. 

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Sain's radio began to beep. So he answered.

"Ah, Sain, a good HALO jump I see."

"Major Marcus, I'm in position." Sain responded.

"To keep the secrecy of this mission, we will refer to each other with codenames."

"Woah! My own codename! SW33T!" Sain said gleefully.

"Your codename for this mission will be Naked Sain."

"WTF! NAKED SAIN! THAT SOUNDS KINKY!"

"Well, it's basically because you will be entering the jungle with little to no equipment. By the way, my codename will be Major Sponge, which is because I see a lot of Spongebob, and am an EXP nabber.." The newly appointed Major Sponge said. "There is someone I'd like you to meet. Para-Medic!"

"Para-Medic? That codename is even better than mine!"

"HELLO, SAIN! I AM PARA-MEDIC! I WILL BE WATCHING FOR YOUR HEALTH AND DIET! DID YOU SEE THE BRAND NEW SHOES THEY ARE SELLING AT ARMANI EXCHANGE?" You can guess who it is, don't you?

"Oh fuck, not the pink haired demon."

"There is another person I would like you to meet…" Major Sponge said.

"Hello, Sain."

"Isadora?"

"No, it's the UPS mailgirl."

"So that means my brand new PSP arrived by mail already? Cool!"

"Sain, it's me you moron!"

"Oh right, YOU! So that means that my PSP hasn't arrived yet?" Sain asked.

"Sain, I'm sorry about what happened last time…"

"You fucking abandoned me in the middle of the mission in the Amazon! And you left me there only with a Cup Noodle! And then I had to go to the bathroom! I had to clean myself with a tree!...and some toilet paper."

"Oohh..kay." Isadora's frequency changed to Major Sponge 's.

"Sain, your equipment includes a tranquilizer gun and a Campbell soup." Sponge said.

"Major, it's not even a tranquilizer gun! It's a goddamned Super Soaker!" Sain responded.

"Well, see what you do with it-our budget ran out."

"It wouldn't have if this wasn't the rip-off of a well-known flash movie!"

"Well, Sain; shut the fuck up and infiltrate the Tselinoyarsk."

After some roaming, Sain found two guards. So he ran to the right, where he found a SDV Dragunov for no apparent reason. So he sniped a guard with a headshot. The other one was looking at the dead one.

"Huh! Oh well, blame Kar…er I mean, blame Gett…no that's already used… blame Malaria!" the guard concluded, but he was headshotted too.

Sain continued his journey. There were a few guards beneath him now, and a rope bridge they were guarding. He spotted a hive of bees. So he shot it. The bees began chasing those pesky guards. Sain could now cross the rope bridge. He picked a too-difficult-to-mention assault rifle strangely reminiscent of the Colt M4 in the way. So he was now in front of the place where they were holding his objective: the scientist, Solokov. So he rescued the guy from his room. When he came out, he observed a pretty weird scene. A blonde guy growled like a cat. He must be a laguz. So well, he killed all the GRU soldiers with his l337 Makarov Sk11lz. He then saw Sain.

"So you must be the legendary Isadora. I am the leader of the Ocelot unit, Franz." The guy responded.

"The Ocelot Unit from France?" Sain asked.

"NO! MY NAME IS FRAN…" he feel asleep. Yeah, feel asleep, if you played the first Metal Gear for the NES, you would get this. The strange thing is that he made him feel asleep by bashing his and his soldiers' heads with the Super Soaker.

"I have rescued Solokov. We are waiting for extraction." Sain transmitted, now in the other side of the bridge.

"Excellent job, Sain. We are sending a recovery balloon." Sponge responded.

"Aren't you people forgetting something? Like, Isadora being a traitor and handing Solokov to the enemy?"

"What do you think this is? Snake Eater? This is operation Chicken Eater!"

I AM STILL IN A DREAM, CHICKEN EATER! Dunununun! Florina sung from nowhere.

"_Well, at least I'll be back to her_…" Sain thought.

* * *

Being in this chair/bed thingy made Lethe nervous. She was in Canas' consultorium, waiting for the violet-haired druid/psychologist to start. 

"Ahem, so what is your problem, my dear young chap?" Canas asked in a british-accent way.

"Well, I've been having this…feelings…"

"Ah, love, isn't it? I can't do a thing about that."

"But, I cannot love a beorc! It's impossible! Befriending them is one thing, but falling for one…"

"Listen, Lethe, we don't decide who we love or why. It's a mysterious thing. Just go on with the flow…"

* * *

Ike was playing Counter-Strike with Nemmy, Reyson, Tibarn, back-to-life Wil, Jaffar, and Ranulf on his team when he suddenly gasped through the voice chat. 

"What happened?" Reyson asked.

"I suddenly felt somebody was talking about a love relationship with me…

R&R!

Wil: Now this fic is romance, too! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (gets hit on the head by the author with a chair)


	5. Initial S?

Aaaaaannddd...Finally an update!

Disclaimer: I own nuthin'. Happy now?

**ElibeXTellius**

**Chapter GO (5) **

**Initial…Uh… S?**

"Sain! Wake up you lazy bastard!" Symphony yelled as he shook Sain so he could wake up.

"Uhhhhhhh…why? It's three 'o clock in the goddamn morning!" the emerald knight said as he groggily opened his eyes.

"YOU HAVE TO DELIVER THE TOFU!"

"… Tofu?"

"Yes! In your dad's legendary EIGHT-SIX!"

"…I have a dad?"

"Touche…" with that, Symphony left the room.

* * *

Rolf and Ike were in a mall's arcade. And they were playing TIME CRISIS! W00t! And they rocked. Almost as good as me. And believe me, I'm damn good. I can press the trigger five times in…

Nino: "DOES THIS HAVE A POINT?"

Eh…ahem, sorry…

"So well, Rolf, we kicked ass in one of the best light gun games ever. What you wanna do now?" Ike asked the green-haired boy.

"I dunno… House of the Dead?" he responded.

"Nah…we already beat all the games except 4 seven times each." Ike said matter-of-factly.

"Maybe we should get Metal Gear AC!D 2 (tm) for our PSP(tm) systems!"

Just then, some Sony agents entered my room!

"Mister Juárez, you have used the name of our console TOO MUCH on this fic. For this reason, we will have to throw you into a pool full of rubber ducklings."

", You said my last name! And rubber ducklings are 3vil! They make too much RUBBERY SQEAKY NOISE! AHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled, breaking the space-time continuum and sending the Sony agents into the fic.

For some weird reason, they were teleported in front of our heroes.

"Whoa, now THAT'S something I've never seen before." Ike said.

"I have…" Rolf responded.

"You have?"

"…Star Trek" Rolf said.

The Sony agents then decided to say something to the two mercenaries. "We are from Sony, and we must destroy this fanfic from the inside in order to do our job! So we must kill you! Sorry, pals…" They all said at the same time…creepy. Kinda like Agent Smith.

"Fanfic?" Ike asked.

"Sony?" Rolf asked.

"Anna Kournikova?" Batman just popped out of nowhere and asked.

"Eh…no…" Rolf answered the caped crusader.

"Phooey…" with that, Batman left.

Then Ike and Rolf got into fighting stances. BUT… the Sony agents had guns! Just then, Tibarn popped out!

"Not only I am Rambo, but now I wanna practice my new role!" Tibarn's shirt ripped itself, exposing his chest for about the 94th time on this fic. But there was something different on him now. He wore some weird red fighting gloves, and had the Ursa Mayor constellation drawn on his chest with a marker.

"TAKE THIS! HOKUTO SHINKEN!" with that, Tibarn hit the Sony agents and sent them flying to their doom. But they would respawn later, and become recurring characters in other chapters. Or maybe not.

"That was pointless…" Ike said.

"Yeah…" Rolf added.

* * *

"Well, you got an Eight-Six now, Sain. What are you going to do?" Kent asked his emerald friend.

"I'm going to Disneyla…wait, wrong answer. I'm going to race Boydsuke and Oscarosuke!" Sain responded.

"What's with the suke's?" Kent asked.

"Haha! You will never beat our Mazdas in a race, Sain Fujiwara! That's your last name, right?"

"I dunno… Are your last names Takahashi?"

"They are? Wow! I didn't know that!" Boyd said excitedly.

"So that makes me Rolf Takahashi? WOW!" Rolf arrived at the scene with Ike, eating ice cream.

"Well, one thing is for sure" -Sain added- " I prefer Fujiwara WAY over Yamato."

* * *

Just then, a forsaken, deleted, rewritten, and reforsaken fic became self aware. "I HEARD THAT!" Kidou Senshi Gundam ANGEL original said.

"I can't believe we both lost!" The "Takahashi" brothers said.

"Yay! I won! TWICE!" Sain celebrated.

"Haven't you ever read Initial D? The best driver always wins!" Kent said.

"Stop ripping of Great Teacher Onizuka already! We did the Fist of the North Star and the Initial D jokes in it!" Rolf yelled.

Just then, Wallace drifted in the wheels of his Toyota Yaris and parked close to the other people's cars.

"You're too old to be playing Initial D!" Kent scolded him.

"ARRGHH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT RIPPING OFF GTO? Screw you guys, I'm outta here!" With that, Rolf left the others,

* * *

"Say, Prince Reyson… Am I… attractive?" Lethe asked the prince of herons inside the kitchen, sitting on top of a stool. She caught him off-guard in one of those rare moments in which the guy wasn't playing Counter-Strike.

"Are you trying to hook up with me? Sorry, but you can't get involved with me. Tanith's got a shotgun, ya know." Reyson answered her.

"Just answer the question! And I'm not trying to hook up with you!"

"Oh, so it is Ike, then?" Lethe blushed. " I knew it! Eliwood, you owe me fifty bucks! Oh, and yeah, well, you are DAMN HOT…use that at your advantage. Remember, no man in their right mind can resist the power of a catgirl. Now, good night, and good luck. May the force be with you. Believe in the heart of the cards. And stuff" and then, Reyson left the kitchen.

And then, I stopped writing, 'cuz I still have a writer's block.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER ROKKU! OR SIX! OR SOMETHING!

* * *

…I have had a writer's block for a long while now…really. Expect a soon update, as I will make a new chapter when I finally decide to beat PoR…thing I started yesterday. Got to chapter 28 from 26. Oh, and the Black Knight was a wimp. What's with my friend that said that he never beat the guy? 


	6. SMASH BROS BRAWL! Part 1

Okay...so I FINALLY updated... thing is, I STILL have a writer's block. So well, this is an I'm-not-dead-yet-so-don't-try-to-see-if-I-left-anything-for-you-in-my-testament chapter. Hopefully, it'll be better than the last one. My only excuse is…PSP OVERDOSE! ALL THANKS TO AC!D 2!

Disclaimer: I only own a pair of stolen panti…I own nothing except a PC with Counter-Strike installed! Really!

* * *

**Elibe CROSS Tellius**

**Chapter 5**

**Super Mega Aerial Strike Hyperspeed, Blazing Riot Of Senshi, BRAWL! PART 1: The Catgirl Makes a Move!

* * *

**

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIkkkkkeeeee!" Mist ran towards her brother, yelling at the top of her lungs, and making random people spontaneously combust.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! DUDE! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" Ike holded his hands against his head to stop the blood flow, cuz his ears were bleeding. Duh. Good thing it wasn't his anus.

"Oh My Gawd Ike , I have some news! You have been challenged to a D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-…Oh Whatever, Chuck Norris and Morty Bates have challenged you to MORTAL KOMBAT! Not to a Card Match as it would appear at first…"

"CAAAAAAAAAARRRRDDD MAAAAAAAAATTTTTTCCCHHHHH!" A retarded looking Yugi landed on Mist and started to CARD her. Don't ask me how. Go see the flash movie. It's on Newgrounds. Anime section. It's called Yu-Gi!...oh, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! If I aren't goingto promote the PSP anymore, then I gotta do propaganda to something else! And if you are not happy about this…BLAME THOSE DAMN SQUIRRELS!

"Ooo…kay…Guess I'll be going to see what this is about…"

* * *

"We challenge you to MORTAL KOMBAT!" Chuck Norris and Morty Bates, a short guy with blonde hair, green eyes, and a business suit, assumed a Combat Stance (tm).

"I know you Chuck…But who is this kid?" Ike asked. Just then, a butler entered the Nun-Chuck Dojo.

"Morty Bates is the richest person in the world today. He had a grand inheritance that his dead parents left him. Yesterday, he took control of all of Bill Gates' assets and money after making a bet on Bill Gates over a Card Match…"

"CAAAAAAAAAAAARDDDDDDDD MAAAAAAAAATCCCCHHHH!" Yugi tried to prance over the butler, but the man was prepared, took a Desert Eagle out of his tux, and shot the hedgehog-wannabe in the face. Poor Yugi.

"IN YO FACE!...Anyway, I am his loyal butler, Thomas Stanling Thompson Fred Alfred Walter0wnzallbutlersintheworldcuzheusesdentalflosstokillhisopponentsinHellsing, Iwazarcof, but you can call me Iwazar…you can call me Tom."

"AHEM!" Chuck Norris cleared his throat "THE RULES OF THE MK ARE SIMPLE! NO WEAPON CAN BE USED BY THE PARTICIPANTAS EXCEPT KNIFES AND MARTIAL ARTS WEAPONS WITH NO EDGE, LIKE NUNCHAKU AND RODS! YOU CAN RECRUIT A PARTNER FOR THE BATTLE, FOR IT IS GOING TO BE A FOUR-WAY MATCH! THE BATTLE SHALL BE TOMORROW AT 12 A.M., ON THE TOMOEDA ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GROUNDS!"

"But why do you want to fight to the death? Why not help the people that are in need? Why not help women which eyeballs have been removed and have newborn babies? (A/N: Another one of my fan referencemoments! Don't sue!) Why is the sky blue? Why haven't I realized that Lethe loves m…HOLY CRAP! LETHE LOVES ME! I WILL BE REUNITED WITH MY ONE TRUE LOVE! IN CHOBITS TERMS: THE PERSON JUST FOR ME! YES! I LOVE HER SO MUCH! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LI…" A tile fell on top of Ike from the ceiling "Oww…What was I doing? Oh yeah, I was realizing somebody loved me romantically! Who was it? Owww crap, I forgot! Well anyways, why cry over spilled milk? Let the cat lick it or something… (A/N: Clueless ain't he?)" With that, Ike left the dojo.

"Tom…" Bates started

"Yes, master?" Tom asked in return.

"Go fetch me some lolicon."

"On the double, Master Bates."

* * *

"So you were challenged to MORTAL COMBAT? By Chuck Norris and a random OC Midget? And you need a partner?" Sain asked the blue-haired commander.

"Well, that pretty much sums it up, so yeah." Ike responded the young man who was wearing, for the first time in his life, a non-green piece of clothing. His red t-shirt hanged loosely, and his blue pants were baggy. And Darkness is black, and CLOUDS are white. Do you expect clouds to be blonde?

"Well man, I can't help you, unfortunately. But I got the PERFECT companion for you."

"Why can't you go and fight by my side, like comrades, like brothers! You are like the brother that threw suggestive glances at my sister when we first met that I never had!" Ike asked his friend.

"I'm going to ask Florina out…" Sain responded. Ike recoiled in surprise, and put his best 'WTF?-You-are-going-to-settle-with-only-a-girl-that-is-so-unlike-you' expression.

"Quit the 'WTF?-You-are-going-to-settle-with-only-a-girl-that-is-so-unlike-you'expression already, Ike…I told you the internet opened my eyes after I read lots of romance fanfiction."

"How did that EXACTLY opened your eyes?" Ike asked Sain.

"Well…there was this thing called 'yaoi'. You definitely don't wanna know…" Upon hearing his response, Ike knew that he didn't want to know what Sain knows about what the fangirls are known to write about.

"Well…Good luck with asking Florina on a date, pal. I recommend using a cardboard box (copyright Solid Snake) to get over her sisters."

"Oh, I came prepared." Sain said "This guy on an anime convention gave Soren something called 'Stealth Camouflage' (product of Otacorp, Inc.) to get over her sisters, and he gave it to me in exchange for a game called Metal Gear AC!D 2…"

"AC!D 2 ! Do you realize what that means!" Ike looked flabbergasted after Sain pronounced those words. "Do you know what that means! He could be locked in his rooms for days until he beats it! He's been waiting for this game for SO LONG!"

"Aaaaaaand…How is this bad?"

"I want to beat that Game!"

"Hello, you people" Ike yelped and jumped into the air. It was Soren, who, for some reason, wasn't playing AC!D 2. Weird.

"How come you aren't playing PSP right now?" Sain asked.

"The game was only 10 hours long… BUT THOSE WERE THE BEST 10HOURS OF MY LIFE!"

"Well, okay…" Ike began heading towards his room "If I come back alive and victorious, I shall be the first one to play Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops when it is released this winter…"

With that, Ike disappeared from view.

* * *

Ike extended his hand and reached for the knob at his room's entrance. He noticed something was quite not right, somebody had lockpicked his door! Perhaps the intruder is still inside?… He pulled his sidearm from his pants, a squirt gun (proved to be effective to subdue enemy personnel in Operation Chicken Eater), and with a mighty kick, he opened the door, pointing that thing at pretty much at anything he saw! The excitement sent a rushof adrenaline travelingthrough his body, going up and down his spine, making him breathe quickly. He rolled on the ground, and aimed below his bed.

"You finished?" A sweet, seductive voice played with him and made him blush deeply. That voice, could it be…?

"L…Lethe? Ike raised his gaze, and saw her standing there, on a two piece bikini no less. Ike's blush became from pink to red as a tomato. He stood up and looked at her. She was looking at him with innocent, bishoujo eyes, which was quite weird, cause she was wearing a bikini on another person's bedroom. It's pretty amazing that Ike didn't look downwards at her breasts, perhaps that's because he was nervous and stuttering. "W…What are you doing here?

"I heard about your Mortal Kombat duel with Chuck Norris and the OC Midget, so I came to give you something that might give you a cutting edge…" She holded a combat knife in her hands.

"OH MY GOD!" Ike quickly nabbed the knife from the catgirl's hand. "Amazing! This knife is meant to be used for Close Quarters Combat (CQC)! It's peculiar shape allows to grapple an enemy's throat without cutting it unless on purpose! The camouflage engraving gives it a lot of tactical advantage! Not only that, the hilt is ergonomically designed to permit more versatility!"

"Whoah, that's… a lot of information…"

"Sure is, Lethe, sure is…Some people get obsessed with ruins. I get obsessed with weapons, which is okay, since I am a mercenary, who kills p…ies (A/N: I'm also a Map Clear: Get Hyper fan!)

"Pies?"

"Don't ask…Well anyways, thanks Lethe."

"That wasn't the only reason I broke into your room for…"

"Huh?"

At that precise moment, Lethe stole a kiss from Ike. It was long and passionate, and both of them felt as infinite bliss engulfed them. They embraced each other while on the liplock, and experienced their most deepest dream: to feel their loves reciprocated. It was like heaven… Perhaps THIS was Heaven, if not, then Heaven pales in comparison. They finally broke the kiss to regain some breath, and Lethe whispered on Ike's ear:

"Don't go dying on me…I love you. Come back to me in one piece…"

"I'll make sure to bring Luffy and his crew, then…"she giggled at his joke.

That night, Ike slept better than anytime before. He, for the first time of his life, felt that he was undefeatable. The silver combat knife reflected the moonlight that entered through the window, and a glint of light was seen…

**END OF PART 1**

Awww…I didn't know I was that bad at writing fluff…

R&R!


End file.
